i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize