She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
