I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
