we're blogging at a bar
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
