This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
