bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
