just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
