If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
