Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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