What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
