dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
