yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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