I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
