I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
