she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
