so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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