Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
