We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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