she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
