Will you blow on my dice?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
