he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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