Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
