Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fuck appropriateness.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
