My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she told me i tasted like america
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
