Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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