I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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