this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
