You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
