Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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