Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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