I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
