stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
