sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
