His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
