I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
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The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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