Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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