boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
