so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
