Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
