Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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I just found a bag of teeth...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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