I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
