So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
