would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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