are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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