i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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