Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
