Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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