I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
