recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
