Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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