I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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