just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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