the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
