I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
