Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
