i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
