I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
