Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's the barista slut.
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?