my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory