I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!