If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.