you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.