1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
