I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex