After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras