i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.