i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.