I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
