This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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