and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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