All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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