I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
