Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
