discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
