I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
