it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
