We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
