how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
