She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
