Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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