I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
