And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
