remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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