I wish I only lived at night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how does that bad decision feel?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
